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The Magic Store/Transcript
Transcript *(shows Orion Pictures logo) *Narrator: On jagged finger of rock, stands Magic Corn Collector. It all started began of the chestnut tree. The wise Silver and Gold was the first to join Guards and Soliders but other illustrious names were soon to follow. It all started began to the orphanage village. It all started began, It was just at the beginning. Peaceful, prosperous, and rich in romance and tradition. Fondly had these monarchs dreamed one day their kingdoms to unite. It all started began as time went by, the chateau fell into disrepair. The Clonkers Home from Girls. Including Henry Corn Collector. *(Cut to full version of Henry hosts a party) *Mrs. Clonkers: Henry, We'll you stop over-reacting, won't you stop that, and get a move too soon! *Prunella: We'll this about time all about this and get over it and get on with it, and we will deal with you! *Mrs. Clonkers: If you don't find it the clothes properly, I'll straight you locked in the cellar! *Henry Corn Collector: Now ladies, There's no reason I can't fight with both of you. (The two women sighs, when all of a sudden Card Commando arrives). *Henry Corn Collector: Step aside, ladies. I can handle this. *(Henry talks to Card) *Henry Corn Collector: Card Commando, we meet again. You dare come into my house and crash my party? I don't remember inviting any smelly fish. *Card Commando: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! *Henry Corn Collector: You can't prove anything! I'm a legitimate businessman. Now, get out of my sight before I lose my patience! (Card Commando leaves) How can I take over the world with Card Commando breathing down my neck? *Captain Colonel: Well, Don't look bother, now You be needing to get yourself a mad scientist, as it were, She says that you have her father's will somewhere in the orphanage village. *Text: A Charles Hill/Britt Allcroft Production *Text: The Magic Store *Text: From the novel by Ronald Davis *Text: Adapated by James Herbert *Text: Produced by Barry Charles Michael Hill Britt Allcroft *Text: Directed by Chris Randall *Major Doctor Joanna: I wish someone would look at my inventions. (sighs, reads from a blimp) "Visit at Mrs. Clonkers Home from Girls. Call Oh Eight Hundred Two Hundred Three Hundred". *(She and her inventions sit at the waiting room next to a nurse Kathryn) *Henry Corn Collector: Next! (Joanna walks towards Henry) Buenos dias. Let me get to the point. I need someone who can build me all kinds of highly destructive devices. I need lasers, exploding ducks, hot laser thingies, somebody's aircraft, tanks, you name it! Do you think you can do all of that? *Major Doctor Joanna: Oh, yes. I think so. (she laughs) This is my latest invention. It is a life support system for a brain and stomach. *Henry Corn Collector: Why I would want stupid inventions like that? *Major Doctor Joanna: Well, you could stick somebody's brain and stomach in it. Would that be cool? *Henry Corn Collector: Get out! (Joanna left in disappointment; Hector sees Nurse Kathryn) Ooh, you are perfect. You get the job! *(Cut to where Henry and Nurse Kathryn observe a sphere) *Nurse Kathryn: I have completed the device, sir. Just push the big, red button and something really cool will happen. *Henry Corn Collector: This button? *Nurse Kathryn: That's the one. Just reach out and push it. (she leaves the room) *Henry Corn Collector: This is exciting. I'll just reach out with my finger ever so slowly and push the button! (Mrs. Clonkers Home from Girls exploded with a slowing echo of Nurse Kathryn saying push the button, revealing as a robotic decoy by Card Commando. He leaves the robot and laughs at Henry's brain) *Major Doctor Joanna: Mr. Corn Collector! (Card Commando leaves while Joanna is coughing from the smoke) Mr. Corn Carne! (she sees his brain) Ew. (she uses her life support system on the brain and puts both organs in her fridge) Mr. Corn Collector? Mr. Corn Collector. *Major Doctor Joanna: Mister Corn Collector? Mister Corn Collector. *Henry Corn Collector: Doctor... Joanna? *Major Doctor Joanna: Oh, good! You're awake. *Hector Con Carne: Where am I? What happened? *Major Doctor Ghastly: Uh, well... (she lets Henry look into a mirror, he screams in shock) *Henry Corn Collector: AH! I'm nothing but a brain! This is terrible! *Major Doctor Joanna: It's not as bad as it looks. I've also saved your stomach. *Henry Corn Collector: Ugh! This... this is unbelievable! I'm ruined! How can I rule the world from inside a refrigerator? *Major Doctor Joanna: Pardon me but you know you look just like a brain. *Henry Corn Collector: Well. come here. Listen Joanna. Now don't spread this around. But eh, confidentially. I AM A BRAIN!!!! *Major Doctor Joanna: I knew I should have been a dental assistant. *Henry Corn Collector: Guess who? *Major Doctor Joanna: Uh, Brazil? *Henry Corn Collector: Nope. *Major Doctor Joanna: Uh, Russia. *Henry Corn Collector: Uh uh. *Major Doctor Joanna: Australia? *Henry Corn Collector: Nope! *Major Doctor Joanna: Uh, Turkey. *Henry Corn Collector: Nope, but ya gettin' warmer. *Major Doctor Joanna: Say, you wouldn't be that screwy brain would ya? *Henry Corn Collector: Well, could be. *Major Doctor Joanna: Try to look on the bright side. You still have your money and you still have the world's best mad scientist! *Henry Corn Collector: Hmm. You will be my mad scientist from now one. *Major Doctor Joanna: Oh, thank you, sir! You won't regret it. I know we'll make a great team! *Henry Corn Collector: Attention, League of Nations, you will lower your pathetic defenses and turn control of the planet over to me, Henry Corn Collector. If you do not comply by nine o'clock, this... Hey! Point the camera at me, you doo-doo! ME! *Mr. Tyke: What control of the world? *Henry Corn Collector: Ahem. Yes. So, turn over control of the world to me or will force to use my Doomsday Device! With this, I can reduce your cities to smoking rubble. You have six hours to meet my demands. Oh, that was Terrrible! Bad Beast! Bad bear! These days like this that I wish my real body hadn't exploded! *General Scar: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, sir, but the League of Nations had sent a team of check commandos to stop us. *Henry Corn Collector: Commandos? How can we stop them from kicking our butts, General Scar? *General Scar: Hmmm. Cover our butts with our hands, sir? *Henry Corn Collector: Hmmm. Major Doctor Joanna. Suggestions? *Major Doctor Joanna: Well, chief. The best thing to do in these situations is to listen to your gut. *Henry Corn Collector: Yes... Don't they? *Major Doctor Joanna: Human...bears? *Stomach the Mouse: I'm hungry. *Henry Corn Collector: Oooh! The Doomsday Device! Beast, quickly! Activate the Doomsday Device! No, wait! The Doomsday Device is the other way! No, there is no time for that! Beast, I command you! *General Scar: Sir, I... *Magnum the Mysterons: (roars) *Major Doctor Joanna: (screams) *Magnum the Mysterons: (laughs) *Henry Corn Collector: Hello! Hello, Magnum the Mysterons! *Magnum the Mysterons: Hello, neighbor. How did you enjoy my little... light-show? *Henry Corn Collector: Magnum. What do you want, bucket-face? *Magnum the Mysterons: Please, Henry. I come in peace. I want to bury the hatchet, buddy. *Henry Corn Collector: I know exactly where to bury the hatchet. *Magnum the Mysterons: I want to let bygones be bygones and to invite you to dinner. *Henry Corn Collector: Dinner'? No no. Or... Yes, yes... I, I was talking dinner to myself. You... you know me. *Magnum the Mysterons: Smell Human bears. Gimme! Come on. Gimme. *Henry Corn Collector: No, no, there is no human being here. What would I want with a Human being? *Magnum the Mysterons: Eat him. Crunch his bones up, yeah. *Henry Corn Collector: You knows I's not eating Human bears, Magnum? I's has my pizza. It's Scrumdidlydumpcious. Why is you not trying some? *Magnum the Mysterons: What's it taste of? *Henry Corn Collector: It's like bitsy fruits, pineapples. *Magnum the Mysterons: Yech! *Henry Corn Collector: Aaah! And, bones. Yes, it tastes like bones. Pizza does. *Magnum the Mysterons: Tastes like bones, Eh? Bones is good, yes. *Major Doctor Joanna: MISTER CORN COLLECTOR!! *Hector Corn Collector: Oh No, stop! *Check Commando 1: Alright, commandos! Let's rock! *Henry Corn Collector: AH! Guards, protect the Doomsday Device! Ay caramba! *Check Commando 1: Dinner Time! *Magnum the Mysterons: Hello, old neighbors. Thank you, Henry for performing a test run on my Poke-Digi Tank for me. I wasn't quite sure if it would work or not. Now, I realize I still have a few bucks to iron out. Yippee ki-yay, Motherhecker! *Major Doctor Joanna: Oh! Son of a ditch! What has I done? Uh? Mister Corn Collector. Where is you? *Henry Corn Collector: I can't feel my legs. *Major Doctor Joanna: Mister Corn Collector! You is alive. *Henry Corn Collector: I think so. *Major Doctor Joanna: I was right inside his mouth. *Henry Corn Collector: I knows you was. *Major Doctor Joanna: It smelled horrible. He nearly swallowed me. It was terrible. Then he tasted the pizza. *Henry Corn Collector: Did he hurt you? *Major Doctor Joanna: Not really. He hurt you though. *Stomach the Mouse: Aww. Can I have some honey, too? *Henry Corn Collector (singing): We all live in a beautiful world, The rocks, the trees, the tiniest squirrel, Billions of people with bright smiling faces, Boys with golf clubs, young girls with glasses, Puppies, kittens, the mighty condor, These are a few of the things I adore, I love my island, I love my money! *Stomach the Mouse (singing): I love ham, I love jam, I love biscuits with honey! *Henry Corn Collector (singing): Our world is filled with incredible beauty, And that is why I feel is my duty, To send forth the troops, to invade the coastline, To crush and destroy until it's all mine! *Magnum the Mysterons: Oye, come here. Where you think your going? Is not dark yet. *Henry Corn Collector: No, Magnum. I just walk 'round. *General Scar: This is Adolf Hitler. *Henry Corn Collector: Adolf Hitler? *General Scar: Right. Heil Hitler! *Henry Corn Collector: Heil Hitler! *Major Doctor Joanna: If you better ask him. *Adolf Hitler: Wer wagt es, den Führer von Nazi-Deutschland zu stören? *Henry Corn Collector: What will I do now! *Old Snake: Psssssst. You Need Help? *Henry Corn Collector: Yes, General Scar is trying to...... *Old Snake: Listen, Son. You have got to Know what he did. *Henry Corn Collector: But I Was Just Listen....... *Old Snake: You have got to defeat him. now i am going to disappear into the center of the bush. *Henry Corn Collector: Why? *Old Snake: Because i am too old to be alive. *Magnum the Mysterons: I let you go... this time. *Major Doctor Joanna: Henry! *Beast the Bear: Ah ha! *Henry Corn Collector: That some spaghetti and the meatballs! *General Scar: Sometimes, he's so melodramatic. *Major Doctor Joanna (singing): Boron is my favorite of the periodic elements, I built laser-guided robots programmed for self-defense, I forged a giant bucky ball that's not too soft and not too dense, But now I'm cooking pies for science, Ernest Earl would beam with pride, If he could see my brilliance all baked up in a pie, The crust is made of micro tiny carbon ion fiber foil, The filling is composed of several fattening and tasty oils, Cooked in an oven till the surface froths and boils, And still I'm cooking pies for science, a bioxide ribonucleic stew, Too thick for an appliance, so I hop right in the brew, My boots are made for marching, and that's just what they'll do, If only they weren't ruined from wading in this goo! *Henry Corn Collector: Henry think it dangerous enemy. Henry stomp enemies! *Major Doctor Joanna: No, Henry! *Henry Corn Collector: Henry know what he does! *General Scar: But Sir, we haven't determined the cause of the past failures! *Henry Corn Collector: Moron! This fish will be my general, and he will lead my Card Commandos to world domination! This time I shall reign triumphant! *Major Doctor Joanna: But Chef, to reach full power, we need not only your but also the remaining from the surface. How do you expect to retrieve them, when we don't have any earthbound operatives left? *Henry Corn Collector: You fool! Do you think I'm unaware of the situation?! If we don't have any friends left on the surface, then we'll need to find... an enemy... *General Scar: But Sir, the giant country is about to explode. We have no idea what it could do! *Henry Corn Collector: Scar, you continue your weapon trials. Beast and I will be here observing. *General Scar: What luck. They're asleep. Now, what have we got here? Hmmm, boring. Cute, but no. Hello! *Beast the Bear: Pee-you! *People: (singing): Pie, pie, pie in the sky! Look, there's pie in the sky. And it makes me wonder why. It's flying through the air, in a ship that's driven by a bear. The crust looks flaky, the doughs not cakey, covered in a rich meringue. *Fat Man (singing): I'll go fat and lazy, my brain will start to get hazy! *People (singing) The pie in the sky makes me want I hate you! *General Scar (spoken): There is pie in the sky. and that pie I'm going to fly. into your puny little faces. even you there, with the glasses. *Henry Corn Collector (singing): This plan makes me sing! This plan will make me king! *Beast the Bear (singing): Ruh ruh ruh ruh ruuuh! ruh ruh ruh ruh ruuuuuuh! *Fat Woman (singing): I fear I am unable, to get up from the table! *Fat Couple (singing): The pie in the sky, makes me want to love you *Archibald Archimedes (singing): Look there's pie in the sky, And it makes me wonder why. (spoken) You're letting Henry Corn Collector win! (singing) Wipe that pie goo off your chin! *Captain the Colonel (singing): We can't fight the bad guys! *Mr. Gromit the Teacher (singing): We'll devour more pies! *Inspector Crane (singing): While we grow in girth *Soliders (singing): someone else will save the earth. *Archibald Archimedes (singing): It's making S.P.O.R.K. Useless and full, Their bodies are limp and their wits are dull, we fail at everything that we try, who will save us from this dastardly pie? *People (singing): YES! ONE MORE TIME!, I don't care why, the bad guys do what they do, cause I'm gonna eat more pie, there's no reason why, we'll just chew and we'll chew, until we're through! *General Scar: Tuesday is steak and kidney pie day! *Henry Corn Collector: Looking for me? *Check Commando 2: It's the brain! Get him! *Check Commando 3: What in the heck! *Henry Corn Collector: This is like shooting monkeys in a barrel! *Check Commando 3: Let's get out of here! Retreat!! *Henry Corn Collector: No one retreats from Henry Corn Collector! Hahaha! *Henry Corn Collector (singing): I love this beautiful world we all live in, There's nothing for people to do but to give in, they are too full and too lazy to fight me, thanks to my tasty, and dangerous pastry, I have no body, I haven't got wrists, but I can still rule this world with iron fists! MWAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHA! *General Scar: Oh, we gotta get out of here! *Card Commando (singing): Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! *Dagon: You... you show 'em the way? *Henry Corn Collector: Yes! Yes, I showed them the way! *Dagon: Why? What for? *Henry Corn Collector: Because... you is evil! And I sees it now! *Dagon: You... you is not bear! You is like... human bear! *Henry Corn Collector: Human... being! Yes, I'd rather be like one of them than like you! *Dagon: Yeah? Then... I kill you! *Henry Corn Collector: Mommy! *General Scar: WHOA, SHUT UP!!! *Beast the Bear: HUH, AH! *Soliders and Check Commandos (singing): Na, na, na, na, I'm so full I cannot move, wish I could get up and groove, but I had too much pie, na na na na. *Magnum the Mysterons (singing): I can't fight you any longer, I wish my will was stronger, but I had too much pie. *Check Commandos (singing): Na na na na. *Soliders (singing): Why do I feel this way, what's inside that pie? Na na na na. *Check Commando (singing): Why do I feel this way, what's inside that pie? Na na na na. *General Scar (spoken): Look at me, my stomach's aching, from Dr. Joanna's baking. Now I've had too much pie, na na na na. *Card Commando (singing): Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! *Beast the Bear (singing): Rah rah rah rah rah rah! *Dagon (singing): But we've had too much pie, na na na na. *Major Doctor Joanna: Hey general, he's awake! Hi chief. *General Scar: Well, we can forget about the invasion. After ciao felt much like invading anymore. *Henry Corn Collector: But what happend to Beast? *Major Doctor Joanna: Oh he's hibernating. six more months to go! *Henry Corn Collector: Well, what about me! You can't leave me here like this! *Major Doctor Joanna: Oh yes well, we've orderd you a new tank, and you'll be back in the saddle soon. *General Scar: In the meantime. We can watch our watch other adventures on videocassette! All Over Again! *Henry Corn Collector: Six months! In here?! Drat, Drat and Double Drats! *General Scar: Oh come on sir, Don't be such a, Shower with, Puss. (They laugh) *Major Doctor Joanna (laughing): Oh boy that's rich, shower with puss! *Hector Con Carne: Well, where is it? *Major Doctor Ghastly: According to the radar, it should be right here. *(Joanna sees something and gasps) *Major Doctor Joanna: Hey! I found something! Come here, quick! *Henry Corn Collector: Let me see, let me see! *Major Doctor Joanna: It's not your face. It's your two front teeth! *Henry Corn Collector: WHAT?! *(Henry yells in anger) *General Scar: Well, this was a fun little jolt. Can we go now? *Major Doctor Joanna: Sir... I know it's not quite as same as the real thing, but I knitted this for you. *Henry Corn Collector (Gasps): It's... it's, uh... *Major Doctor Joanna: It's your face, chief! *Henry Corn Collector: Oh. I... am all choked up. *Major Doctor Joanna: Well, it's the least I can do. *Henry Corn Collector: It's a perfect fit. Thank you, Major Doctor. I think of it was. this is the start. of a beautiful. partnership. 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